Someone newly married must have already realised the above. Still, let’s entertain the others who are going to get hitched in coming days. First of all, relationship and its true worth can be only realised in India. Indians understand its value better than anyone else. But, unfortunately, they lack a little dare to express it to the fullest. Several things are responsible behind this, which can be understood through a few examples as given below.
Being serious about “Hum saath saath hain”:
A boy meets a girl, loves her, grows relationship and marries; up to this, things are similar in India and any other nation. Where the story ends right here for a foreigner, the real climax has to come for someone Indian. The couples have to ensure, not just they, but their family too have to be in relationship. Being even more specific, the moms from both sides should be really good friends. At one end, the boy wants her female counter part to bond well with her mom, and the girl also carries similar expectations. Basically, both they have the perception that their moms are mostly “right”. No matter they are at homes or away, they (the couples) definitely get indulged in elaborated fashion with their moms, taking the reports/reviews/tips/feedback, etc from these experts (called moms). These moms too are quite keen about these issues. They pretend being modern these days, but at some point in their heart, they still have that insecurity.
Suggestion for moms (with all due respect): Accept, they are one, and a new family
Indian spirituality is such deep, but unfortunately, no one realize it to the best. It provides extensive explanation about “moh maya”, which people never realize. To not being trapped by moh-maya is basically to quit (or retire) things at the right time. In fact, the concept of “Vanaprastha” and “Sanyasa” ashram was recommended (and used to be practiced as well) earlier in societies. As per this, the parents have to basically start retiring from family affairs and focus on creative and spiritual aspects, in a gradual fashion, as the next generation grows.
But, in contemporary times, it doesn’t look like the same. Though the parents (especially the moms) understand the above mentioned aspects, but, their expectations from the newly added person (bride/groom) grow through the process. In some occasions, they get manipulative, start testing, etc. No one doubts about their experience. Indeed, the parents after carrying the whole burden of developing their kids indeed deserve some respect. But, this respect should not be on demand. They too are humans, and moreover the loves for their child make them get indulged with such incidences.
How would be the ideal situation?; Tips for newly married couples
The parents should ensure their kids are intellectually enriched enough to continue with a good bonding with spouse, at the same time not forgetting the origin family or responsibility for parents. They need to ensure the couple is getting enough space to grow, ensuring the son/daughter is not separating from the newly made relationship through the process of such appeasement. Moreover, the couples should start being “us”, rather than “me”. During their exclusive sessions with moms, they should take suggestions regarding “us” (or as a couple), instead of being an individual, daughter, son, etc. This would have two advantages- first, the moms would realise that their kids are now grown, and moreover their “moh-may” would be cut.
Eventually they could get truly relaxed, moving on the path of “moksha”.